


Dean Winchester Versus the Dinner Crustacean

by no_regrets_coyote (athenadevice)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester abuse (by lobsters), Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff, M/M, Pre-Slash, Romantic Comedy, blatant lobster abuse, general silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-17
Updated: 2013-07-17
Packaged: 2017-12-20 10:43:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/886327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athenadevice/pseuds/no_regrets_coyote
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas just wants to make a nice meal, Dean just wants to eat said meal, and lobsters just don't want to be eaten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dean Winchester Versus the Dinner Crustacean

**Author's Note:**

> Because Dean and Cas needed to re-enact _Annie Hall_.

“Jesus, Cas, hit it. I told you it was mistake to bring a live thing in here!”

Dean and Cas are in the kitchen of the Batcave with a floor that is littered with lobsters. Castiel had the bright idea of making a nice meal for Sam and Dean, which had led this predicament. Despite the fact that Dean has extensive knowledge in killing things, this knowledge did not extend to crustaceans and he was fearfully hopping around the room, trying to avoid their dinner. Cas is strangely calm and unbothered by the fact that their meal is running wild in the Batcave.  


“Dean, they’re only baby ones,” Cas states. He leans against the counter, making no motion to help Dean. 

“If they’re just babies, then _you_ deal with them,” Dean huffs. “Fuck!” he yells, before taking an elaborate leap that could rival Baryshnikov. Cas moves away from the counter and quickly picks up the lobster- an action that practically means he’s rolling his eyes at Dean. Dean lets out a huff of relief. 

Now Cas is standing in the middle of the kitchen with sea-insect-with-claws in his hands. The frantic movement of the claws slowly relaxes as Cas holds it, almost like he just hypnotised their dinner. 

“Cas, do you speak shell-fish?” Dean gasps. Cas just shoots him a confused look.

“What do I do with it?” he says, waving the lobster around.

“You put it the pot,” Dean says, motioning towards the stove. Cas gives him another look of confusion. 

“I can’t _put_ it in the pot. I can’t put a live thing in hot water, Dean,” he states gravelly, his eyes widening like Dean just asked him to slaughter the Easter bunny for dinner.

“What did you think we were going to do with it? Take it to the movies?” 

Cas looks like he’s actually contemplating this, so Dean just shakes his head. “We’re _not_ bringing our dinner to the movie theatre.” To further end this suggestion, Dean mans the fuck up, takes the lobster from Cas, and throws it into the boiling water with a motion that would be considered “jerky” at best. 

“Okay, it’s in. It’s definitely in the pot,” Dean states nervously. Cas has turned around and is looking at the fridge. 

“Dean, I do believe I just saw one of our lobsters go behind the refrigerator.” 

“Maybe if you put a dish of butter-sauce with a little nutmeg here, it will run out the other side,” Dean snaps. _Leave it_ , he thinks, because right now, he’s all for letting that lobster becoming another oddity of the Batcave. 

“Is that the usual custom for hunting lobster?” Cas asks with a slight tilt of his head. 

“No, Cas, no. We should have gotten steaks because they don’t have legs, they don’t run around.” Dean runs to get a broom so that he can poke the lobster out from its hiding place. Three minutes and one bruised rib (Dean’s) later, the lobster is freed from its hiding place and safely in Cas’s arms. 

“Do we have to boil this one, Dean?” 

Never in Dean’s life has he wanted to see something dead more and never before has he had to _actually_ fight his meal. He nods his head.

“Here, give him to me,” he says taking the lobster gingerly from Cas. The lobster turns to Dean and starts snapping his claws at him. “Cas, get the lid,” he screams (although he’ll protest later that he didn’t). Cas snaps to it and in a frantic motion, Dean _throws_ the lobster into the pot with the first one. Quickly he grabs the lid from Cas, who hasn’t clued in that the pot is the only thing protecting Dean from boiling, angry lobsters, and slams it onto the pot which such a force that it falls off, making Dean and Cas jump. As one last heroic action, Dean grabs the lid again and puts it onto the pot, stepping back in triumph and relief. 

Suddenly there is laughter behind them. Dean and Cas turn simultaneously to see Sam standing at the entrance of the kitchen with his phone in his hand. He’s practically doubled-over from laughing. Dean turns a shade of red, while Cas just stares at Sam with a look of worry in his eyes. 

Sam calms down enough to cough out, “oh my god, that was funniest thing I think I’ve ever seen.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the read!
> 
> Also thanks to masked for the encouragement to post this and for the editing.


End file.
